No, size does not equal pleasure, but these positions can help optimize your sex physics for maximum satisfaction.
By Brian H
December 12, 2020
Share: The Best Sex Positions for Small Penises
As a certified sex coach and sex writer, I get a striking number of emails from readers asking me if their penis is too small. It reflects a deep insecurity that’s woven into the male psyche about penises and size — that men (and women) are taught that bigger penises are the one thing that makes sex good.
Let’s be super clear here: The idea that bigger penises are needed for sexual pleasure is a myth.
It’s created to body-shame people and to reinforce the idea that men with larger penises (and all people with penises) are somehow more masculine than others. Mainstream porn and the startling lack of sex ed in the country certainly doesn’t help with this; when there’s no proper sex education, small-penis jokes are cracked in every sitcom and comedy movie, and the only other penises you see are eight-inch wangs in porn, how are you supposed to learn anything other than “size matters?”
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not just saying this to sound body-positive or make anyone feel better. These are facts.
Studies have consistently shown that when it comes to penis size, women (and people with vaginas) generally rank the length of a penis quite low on their list of positive penis characteristics. Girth is the thing that takes the cake. Biologically, this makes sense: The vagina houses many pressure-sensitive nerve endings, but few touch-sensitive nerve endings, which means that pressure and a feeling of fullness are what make the most difference in vaginal pleasure. Also, consider the facts that as many as one in five women consistently experience painful sex (for a range of reasons) and the vaginal canal only measures about 3 to 6 inches long and about 1 to 2.5 inches wide (when not aroused), and it becomes even more clear that bigger isn’t always better — especially for the receiver.
Plus, female orgasm is rarely achieved through penetration alone. The vast majority of clitoris owners have orgasms through external clitoral stimulation, meaning that the penis does not even factor into the female orgasm a lot of the time. If you have amazing hand sex or oral sex skills, it doesn’t matter what you’re working with down there, big or small.
If I’m being perfectly honest, placing so much emphasis on penis size only makes sex worse for everyone. It makes men self-conscious about their bodies and it takes away the clitoral emphasis often needed for female orgasm.
With all that being said, some sex positions are better suited for different bodies. Here, some of the best sex positions for people with smaller penises. Keep in mind that these positions can be used by any penis-owner, regardless of penis size (or during strap-on sex) — but they’re great to maximize that lovely feeling of fullness that many a vagina-owner enjoys.
And, because it needs to be said again: Size does not dictate sexual pleasure. Now, onward.
1. Cowgirl (aka Cowperson or Rider)
Credit: Yeji Kim
The classic cowgirl position is tried and true for smaller penises. In this position, the rider (or person being penetrated) gets on top of their partner just like a cowgirl would ride a horse, leg on either side of their body. This position allows for greater control of speed, which can be helpful for keeping a smaller penis from slipping. Plus, the rider can grind their clitoris against the pubic bone or penis of their partner, making it easier to reach orgasm. “Putting a pillow under the giver’s hips tilts their hips upward even more, and can accentuate the deeper penetration,” adds Elle Chase, a certified sexuality educator and director of education at the Los Angeles Academy of Sex Education. (Try any of these sex pillows if you don’t want to use one from your bed.)
Want to get it really going? Zachary Zane, sex expert and brand ambassador for sexual wellness brand Promescent, says to really get your booty involved “the person riding the penis can spread their butt cheeks with their hands while riding, which allows for deeper penetration. The insertive partner can hold onto the hips of the person riding them to get additional power while thrusting.”
2. Flat Doggy Style
Credit: Yeji Kim
Doggy style is normally a deeply penetrating position. But if your partner has a small penis, it may not feel that way for you. Alter this position by lying flat and bringing your legs together. This allows for a greater sense of fullness. Once again, Zane encourages spreading those cheeks. “The insertive partner can also spread their partner’s butt cheeks apart to help maximize penetration depth,” he says. “With this position, as with all positions, slight tweaks go a long way.”
You can grab your favorite wand vibrator and stick it between your legs, under your body. This way you’re riding it while your partner is riding you. For people who enjoy a lot of friction, this one can take you from zero to orgasm quite quickly.
During any of these positions, you can also try using a vibrating love egg during sex. With the egg up near the cervix, you naturally create a shallower space for your partner’s penis to move. This will allow the vagina to feel fuller.
3. The Shoulder Holder
Credit: Yeji Kim
This position takes missionary to greater depths. Instead of having your legs spread apart, put them over your partner’s shoulders. They can lean into your body for great depth, or hold onto your ankles for more support.
“To help maximize depth of penetration, you can put a pillow behind the receptive partner’s lower back/butt region, to tilt their pelvis slightly upward,” explains Zane. “In this position, there’s really nothing in the insertive partner’s way from penetrating as deep as possible. The insertive partner just needs to scooch up as close as possible to the receptive partner.” (Related: Check Out the Best Sex Position for Your Zodiac Sign)
4. Face-to-Bed Doggy Style
Credit: Yeji Kim
Change up the classic doggy style even further by opting for a chest to the bed position. In this position, your hips should be as high as possible, tilted back, with your chest to the bed. It’s kind of like the ‘child’s pose’ from yoga, but with your butt in the air. Your body is making a “V” shape, back arched. If this is too much for you, you can add some pillows under your chest for support. “The receiver should tip their hips upward and the giver should use their hands to spread the thighs for even deeper penetration,” says Chase. In this position, the receiver’s vagina naturally becomes shallower, which can help it feel more pressure and fullness.
What’s so fun about this position is the power dynamic. It gives the penetrating partner a lot of control, while the receiving partner takes a more submissive role.
5. Knees to Chest
Credit: Yeji Kim
Yep, you should be in yoga’s “happy baby” position for this one. The receiver lies on their back, knees pulled close to the chest and spread open. The giver can then enter from below. The person on top can use their weight to create friction against the clitoris while offering maximum depth.
“This position allows the penis to enter in a very direct and intense way, and also generates friction with the clitoris, provided that the person on top is well supported,” says Mia Sabat, a sex therapist with Emjoy, a sexual wellbeing audio app for women.
You can even bring a toy into the mix. Try something on the smaller side, such as a finger vibrator — I love the Dame Fin (Buy It, $85, dameproducts.com) or the Maude personal massager (Buy It, $45, getmaude.com). Both are easy to maneuver and blessedly gender-neutral.
Dame Fin Finger Vibrator
6. The Sideways Ohm
Credit: Yeji Kim
The receiver should lie on their side with their knees bent in front of them. The giver then kneels with both knees directly behind the receiver’s butt, entering from behind. “From here, the giver can hold onto the hip to assist with balance or for better leverage when thrusting,” says Chase. “The receiver can lift their outer leg up to try a different angle if they like.” (Related: Why You Need to Add the Spooning Sex Position to Your Go-Tos)
This position is great for three big reasons when it comes to intercourse: It compresses the vaginal opening for more friction, allows the giver to manipulate the butt cheeks, thigh, and legs for better access, and allows for an unusual angle of entry, providing a unique sensation for the receiver.
“This position allows the penis-haver to thrust their full length into the receiver, and frees their hands to manipulate butt cheeks and labia to their liking as well as provide clit access,” adds Chase. “This position can also be re-adjusted in myriad ways depending on what kinds of sensations one is looking for.”
7. One Big Leg Up
Credit: Yeji Kim
The penetrated partner should lie on their back, lifting one leg and supporting it on their partner’s shoulder. The other leg should remain on the bed. The penetrating partner then gets on their knees and penetrates, holding the shin of the raised leg with one hand and the knee of the straight leg with the other. This position allows for a lot of mobility. If straightening your leg is painful, trying bending the knee a bit. (If you don’t have a bed handy, you can do this position on a table, too. Or try these creative chair sex positions.)
“The angle at which the legs are spread, and the elevation that is achieved when raising one leg, allows the penis to enter very deeply. This position also means that both people can caress other parts of the body during penetration, ensuring pleasure,” says Sabat.