Why Some People Respect You More After You Are Stern with Them

In today's dynamic world, being stern can sometimes lead to respect rather than disdain. Here are several reasons why:

Authority and Confidence

When you are stern, it can convey a strong sense of authority and confidence. This can make people believe that you possess the necessary knowledge and capability to address issues effectively. People often show more respect when they feel that you are in control and capable of making tough decisions. This is because sternness often translates to a leader who doesn't shy away from hard conversations or challenges.

Clarity and Expectations

Sternness often comes with clear boundaries and expectations. People appreciate knowing where they stand and what is expected of them. This clarity can foster mutual respect and understanding. When expectations are set and maintained, people feel more accountable and are less likely to behave in ways that could be disrespectful.

Discipline and Structure

A stern approach often creates a sense of discipline and structure. Many individuals thrive in environments where there are clear rules and consequences. This predictability can lead to a respectful climate where rules are followed and respected. Sternness in enforcing these rules can signal to people that you are committed to maintaining a high level of conduct and behavior.

Authenticity

When someone is stern, they may come across as more genuine or honest. People often respect those who express their feelings and opinions openly, even if it's in a serious manner. Authenticity in handling situations can earn you more respect as people appreciate honesty and directness.

Challenge and Growth

Some individuals may view sternness as a challenge that pushes them to improve. When they perceive that someone cares enough to be stern, it can lead to greater respect for that person's investment in their growth. This can foster a mutually respectful relationship where both parties are learning and improving.

Reflection and Confrontation

Ironically, sternness can sometimes lead to respect because it can make people face reality. Often, people who come across as disrespectful are only saying or doing things they think are funny or accepted as jokes. However, when you challenge them, they realize that their behavior has gone too far, and they are forced to reassess their actions. This confrontation can lead to a more respectful attitude.

A Personal Example

I recall a situation where I learned this lesson personally. I was working in the admitting section of an urban hospital, where the hospital administrator always walked around with a stressed out look on his face. Despite this, he never said 'Hello' or one single word to me, which I found inappropriate. He had a strict rule about not being paged over the PA system. One day, a call came in that was urgent, and despite ringing his office at least five times, he was nowhere to be found. I had no choice but to page him, and after he took the call, he stormed out and admonished me for the violation of his rule.

I stood up to him and explained the urgency of the situation, and he backed off, not apologizing but a little less 'stressed' looking. From that day forward, he treated me with more respect. He began to acknowledge me by name and would smile at me, something that I never thought possible before.

While we never had to resort to such behavior, and we were always civil, this experience taught me that standing up to injustice and abuse can earn you more respect. People will usually back down when faced with sternness and a clear stand against injustice.

This article is a reflection of how self-respect and respect from others can be gained through assertiveness and taking a stand when necessary. Whether it's in a professional or personal setting, being stern can often be an effective tool to gain respect and ensure that your voice is heard.