Do Bullies Ever Change When They Get Older?

Are we talking about humans - a species well known for running the entire spectrum from changing their mind more times than models change clothes to changing their mind as often as ELEs (Elephants)? Assuming you are, of course, they can, just like every single human born with a functioning brain can.

Do Humans Really Change?

People don't really change. Some behaviors might change slightly, but the person at their core will not.

My Personal Experience

I certainly did when my mom decided to stop me from being a bully by putting me in ballet where I was the only boy and I had to wear what everyone else wore: pink tights, panties, and a leotard. It worked. Ballet cured me of being a bully.

Bullying and Its Impact

I think so yes. People that get bullied go on to bully. It's a phase in life that everyone must go through to determine what bullying actually is. Many people believe that being insulted by someone once, if people don't include them, or if their parents discipline them is bullying. These are NOT real cases of bullying. Bullying is incessantly picking on or badgering someone for reasons they cannot control, and it can include physical abuse, coercion, intimidation. Bullying is serious because it drives people to suicide and introverted behaviors that further alienate that person. People need to understand what bullying is.

Developmental Stages and Bullying

Yes, a lot of kids are bullies, but many grow out of it. Adults tend to change less but they can still change. Bullying is unfortunately a normal behavior for kids to experiment with. It's part of why we don't just let kids fend for themselves with zero supervision because they'll hurt each other. Most kids learn that bullying is not a good way to solve problems because it hurts others and consequently makes most of them feel bad and gets you in trouble. These consequences are usually enough for most people to learn their lesson, while others require more. That's why fighting back against a childhood bully can work because they're still learning the consequences of their behavior.

Adult Bullying and Patterns

By the time someone is an adult and still bullying people, the behavior pattern is more entrenched. Bullying solves a problem in some sense, it's just not as effective as more prosocial behavior patterns. Bullies are trying to meet their needs and take care of themselves just like anyone else, but they've learned a problematic way to do so. If they can learn other skills to accomplish their goals or if they become more aware of the downsides of bullying, they will change. It's hard to change a pattern when you rely on it, and bullies rely on their bullying to get what they want and need. This is also why bullies tend to be struggling in their lives. People who are dealing with a lot are more likely to use maladaptive tools. People who have experienced trauma and grew up with poor role models and supervision are more likely to bully more too. It's not just because they've been hurt but because it affected the skills they learned growing up, and any struggles they have now make it harder to change.

I tend not to bully people much, but I used to as a kid. I found it had too much of a negative effect on my popularity. I have a pathological desire to be popular. When I did hurt people to get what I wanted, I did it in more intimate, personal settings because this made it less likely to impact my reputation. Had I been in a different social group or culture, my bullying wouldn't have had the same negative effects, and I may not have changed.

In conclusion, while bullies might change as they get older, it is often more challenging. Understanding the root causes of bullying and the role of environment and personal development can help us approach the issue more effectively.