Why Are So Many Parents Abusive?

The issue of abusive parenting is often multifaceted and rooted in a combination of psychological, emotional, and societal factors.

Understanding the Cycle of Abuse

Bullying and abusive behavior often emerge when those who were once victims of abuse find themselves in positions of power and decide that they are entitled to the same treatment. These individuals often lack the ability to empathize with their victims, leading to a cycle of abuse that can be incredibly damaging.

Many abusive parents are narcissistic, believing their actions to be justified or even beneficial. They view their children as ungrateful or deserving of punishment for misbehavior, never considering that their actions are deeply hurtful and inappropriate.

Intergenerational Effects and Societal Norms

The cycle of abuse often perpetuates due to a combination of ignorance, selfishness, and a disregard for the well-being of the next generation. For many parents, the belief that they were raised in certain ways and turned out alright is a major factor. This leads to the justification and perpetuation of abusive behavior:

That’s how WE were raised and WE turned out ok so why should WE raise you any differently.

Additionally, societal norms and cultural expectations can also contribute to this behavior. For example, the treatment of certain groups such as poor people, women, LGBTQ individuals, immigrants, and people of color often reflects a belief that older generations' experiences are the standard, leading to a continuance of harmful practices. This can be seen in phrases like:

poor people, women, 'alternative lifestyle' people those that love as they wish, immigrants, people of color are treated - 'it was good enough for us/it’s always been done that way so just take it.'

These beliefs and behaviors are often rooted in a lack of awareness of the harm they cause.

Propagating the Cycle: Moving On or Staying Stuck?

Furthermore, many parents do not see their actions as abusive. They might even view themselves as successful parents, not realizing the extent of the damage they cause. An example of this is a father who could not understand why his children, including himself and his twin, had enough of the abuse. This situation was exacerbated by his own narcissism and the physical and verbal mistreatment, including sexual abuse against his wife and children.

The consequences of such abuse can be severe. In the case of the author's family, the father died at the hands of the mother due to the accumulated stress and abuse. Family members were left in shock and the children had to grow up in a traumatic environment.

How did this all turn out? After I left after getting married, the abuse must have really increased because on April 06 1971, mom killed my father and killed herself. We were in total shock, both parents gone in an instant. No real hints or clues.

This tragic outcome underscores the severe impact of abusive parenting and the necessity for intervention and support.

Conclusion

Abusive parenting is a complex issue that requires a multifaceted approach to address. Understanding the root causes and the cyclical nature of abuse is crucial to breaking this cycle and ensuring that future generations are raised in a nurturing and safe environment.

Keywords: abusive parenting, toxic parents, intergenerational abuse