The Reality of Children in Foster Care
How are children in foster care treated? This question has no straightforward answer, as the treatment varies widely depending on various factors and the perspectives of those involved.
Official Standards vs. Reality
Children in foster care are ideally treated as individuals with love and respect. They are supposed to be treated calmly and carefully, with attention to their medical, emotional, developmental, and hygiene needs. However, the practical realities of foster care often fall short of these ideals.
According to my personal observations over one year as a foster parent to children aged 6 and up, the most common treatment by state and caseworkers is pragmatic and legalistic. Children are often viewed as offspring of parents who are not capable of proper care. Even other foster parents typically meet the basic needs of the children but rarely facilitate deeper emotional connections. Trust can be easily broken, and any bond that is formed can be quickly destroyed by a child’s behavior or a parent’s overreaction.
A Deeper Look into Foster Care
The reality faced by children in foster care is often much darker than the general public realizes. Terms like neglect, physical, and sexual abuse can lead to misconceptions that a child is removed from their home for a single incident that may seem minor to the uninitiated. However, many children in foster care have experienced serious and prolonged abuse, with incidents that reflect a chronic and systematic problem.
Children may have been subjected to severe neglect for days, enduring physical abuse such as burns, or even being sexually exploited. This isn’t isolated to a single event but may be part of a larger pattern of abuse rooted in a toxic home environment. To truly understand and care for these children, one must possess a resilient heart, a compassionate mind, and a strong emotional reserve.
My Approach as a Foster Parent
Moving beyond the standard protocols, I treat the children in my home with kid gloves, yet with a balance of firm boundaries. I believe in offering children choices and an environment that fosters their personal growth. They have the freedom to make choices, whether it’s what to eat, their activities, or simply having time to be alone. They learn the importance of respect and self-regulation, both in themselves and towards others.
Children who have spent time in foster care often struggle with the concept of choice. Choices were likely not an option in their lives before foster care. Here, they must navigate the world with the freedom to make decisions and the responsibility of respecting those choices.
Conclusion: The Challenges of Foster Care
Foster care is not for the faint of heart. It requires a deep understanding of human nature, a willingness to restore hope, and a strong commitment to help children thrive. While the standards set for foster care are commendable, the practical realities can be vastly different. It is crucial for foster parents, caregivers, and society as a whole to recognize the challenges faced by children in foster care and work towards providing them with the love, support, and guidance they need to heal and grow.