The Long-Term Effects of Raising Children in a Strict Household: A Personal Journey

Many teenagers and young adults have faced the harsh realities of growing up in a strict household. My personal experience reflects the profound psychological impact such an environment can have on an individual's development. Raised in a strict Christian family where perfection was the ultimate standard, the consequences of failing to meet expectations have left lasting scars on my self-esteem and interactions with others.

Impact on Self-Esteem and Behavior

During my teenage years and into adulthood, the pressure to be perfect was relentless. Any mistake would be met with harsh criticism, whether verbal or physical. This environment not only destroyed my confidence but also instilled a culture of self-abuse and people-pleasing. Now I am a person who cries easily, doubting myself, and worrying excessively about disappointing others. Simple acts of kindness often lead to emotional upheaval, and I am constantly anxious about meeting the expectations of those around me.

Compulsive Behavior and Emotional Response

My self-esteem has become deeply intertwined with the approval and appreciation of others. I have resorted to compulsive behaviors, such as lying, in order to ensure that I meet the expectations set by those in my life. I am only satisfied when people are proud of me, and my emotional well-being hinges on receiving compliments and positive feedback. Even writing this, I am in tears, feeling that I have failed to meet someone's expectations.

The Background: Strict Household and Emotional Struggles

I grew up in a strict Christian family where prayer was the only comfort I had. From a young age, perfectionism was the norm, and I was expected to achieve it at all costs. My parents would use words or physical punishment to ensure I felt the consequences of making a mistake. To please them, I often forgot my own desires and needs, even concealing my personal relationships and challenges. My mother was particularly strict, becoming angry or upset if she even heard a whisper of a romantic relationship. This led to a culture of fear and people-pleasing, where I frequently hid my true feelings and settled for less than I wanted genuinely.

Struggle for Self-Awareness

Despite my experiences, I have faced numerous challenges in terms of self-awareness. I often struggle to understand my own desires and settle for relationships that do not meet my personal standards, all to ensure I feel loved and appreciated. This cycle of people-pleasing has left me feeling vacillating without a clear sense of self.

Seeking Help and Overcoming Stigmas

Encouragingly, some have suggested that seeking professional help would be a positive step. However, the stigmatization of counseling within a religious family can be significant. In my family, counseling is often seen as a sign of mental instability or a lack of faith. My father even believed that the problem was demons rather than personal issues. Despite these obstacles, I have managed to seek support and now study to become a social worker, where I can help others navigate similar struggles.

Personal Growth and Future Outlook

Although the experience has been difficult, I am now in a position to share my story and provide support to others who may be experiencing similar issues. I am working towards reclaiming my identity and learning to balance my need for acceptance with my personal well-being. I hope to inspire others to break free from the suffocating expectations placed upon them by strict households and to embrace their true selves.

My journey continues, and I am committed to self-improvement and self-acceptance. Through understanding and support, we can all work towards overcoming the challenges of strict parenting and fostering a healthier, more fulfilling life.