The Biggest Turnoffs in Dating: Lessons Learned from a Failed Date

When it comes to dating, every experience can offer valuable lessons. From one of the most memorable and disappointing dates in my life, I have learned several key principles of what makes for a successful and fulfilling romantic encounter. Below, I share the red flags that I noticed and the lessons I gleaned from these experiences.

Introduction to My Date Experience

Back in the January of the 1990s, I went on a date with a woman who seemed lovely at first. She had a great smile, a wonderful dinner, and a stimulating conversation. However, the night took a dark turn once alcohol was involved. She not only ordered a second bottle of champagne but also revealed that her father paid her credit card bill, leading her to engage in inappropriate behavior like skinny dipping, allowing her to beg me to pass her clothes, and attempting drunk driving. These turnoffs underscore the importance of mutual respect in relationships.

The Lesson of the Dinner Date

Fast forward to another date in a cozy restaurant, where the red flags began even before I stepped in. Upon arrival, my date was engrossed in their phone, not making eye contact, nor smiling or acknowledging my presence. This behavior set a troubling tone. Even after finishing their phone-related task, they showed no effort to engage or apologize. This indicated a lack of empathy and social awareness, two essential traits in a partner.

Red Flags and Turnoffs

The next red flag was the lack of personal engagement. The conversation was one-sided, and the topics revolved around their career and hobbies, with a significant amount of self-centeredness. Showing genuine interest in the other person during the date is vital; solely waiting for your turn to talk about yourself is disrespectful and can be a turnoff.

The culmination of these issues came during the travel conversation where they turned it into a competition by bragging about exotic travels, belittling my own experiences. This condescension was a clear sign of insecurity disguised as arrogance, another major turnoff in dating.

Finally, the check arrived, and their approach to splitting the bill was ungraceful. They didn’t even ask for my opinion, making the point that they wouldn’t pay the bill without clearly considering my feelings. This lack of grace and thoughtfulness added insult to injury, highlighting the importance of being present and respectful in a relationship.

Lessons Learned and Closing Thoughts

Reflecting on this date experience, I realized the importance of both parties being present, kind, and engaged. It is not about perfection but about showing up with curiosity, being open, and being respectful. While everyone can have nervousness on a first date, making an effort to be present can make a huge difference. This experience taught me that mutual respect, thoughtfulness, and a genuine interest in getting to know each other are crucial for a successful and fulfilling relationship.

In conclusion, while we are all human and no one is perfect, the effort we put into treating someone well, especially on a first date, leaves a lasting impression. As a dating and relationship coach, I advise my clients to value these qualities and to understand that a successful date is all about being there, both physically and emotionally.