The Alarming Habit of Repeating Ourselves: Understanding and Overcoming It

Have you ever found yourself repeating the same points over and over again, only to get no traction, let alone a resolution? Are you startlingly aware of moments when you have said the same things multiple times in various conversations, perhaps even within the same one? This repetitive behavior can be both a source of frustration and a sign of deeper underlying issues. Let's peel back the layers to understand this habit and discuss strategies to overcome it.

Understanding the Frequency of Repetition

B's Encounter with Repetitive Communication: B, a reflective individual, recounts consistently repeating the same points in relationships, particularly dealing with men, for around 16 times over a period from the age of 13 onwards. This realization serves as a stark reminder that we often engage in this behavior without noticing. It’s a common occurrence, and acknowledging it is the first step towards change.

Psychological and Biological Influences

Repetition, whether conscious or unconscious, can serve different purposes. B points out that stress and anxiety can exacerbate this behavior, making us more persistent in our communication. Stress and anxiety can dull our interactions, making them less effective, just as "contact with something dull" might be less impactful.

Acknowledging the role of digestion and diet in communication also exists. B mentions that eating a lot of carbs and sugar can trigger this repetitive behavior, while fasting can mitigate its intensity. This suggests that biological factors can influence our ability to communicate effectively.

Cognitive and Social Factors

From a cognitive standpoint, repeating oneself can be a fallback behavior, a way to assert one's point or ensure understanding. Cognitive biases and the need to be heard can play a significant role in this habit. B reflects on the persistence of this behavior, stating, 'I repeat myself I believe in order to be heard and it is a habit I developed over many years. Habits can be hard to break as you probably know or have learned.'

Socially, surrounding oneself with individuals who aren’t receptive to one’s ideas can reinforce this behavior. B admits to falling into this trap, believing it is their own fault for not seeing reality and continuing to engage with disinterested parties. This situation often leads to a fruitless endeavor, like 'beating your head against a brick wall.'

Overcoming Repetitive Behavior

So, how can one break free from this cyclic pattern? Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness practices can help by fostering self-awareness and providing tools to redirect repetitive thinking or behavior.

Here are a few practical steps:

Identify the Triggers: Recognize the situations or emotions that prompt you to repeat yourself. This might be stress, anxiety, or the need to assert your point. Practice Active Listening: Develop a genuine interest in what others are saying and work towards a two-way conversation. Understand that effective communication is a two-way street. Seek Support: Sometimes, talking to a friend or a professional can help you gain new perspectives and reduce the urge to repeat yourself. Adopt Creative Solutions: If you find yourself struggling to communicate a point, try rephrasing it or seeking alternative ways to convey your message. This can be as straightforward as summarizing your ideas.

By acknowledging and addressing the root causes of repetitive behavior, you can work towards more effective communication and a more fulfilling life.

Remember, overcoming this habit is not about perfection but about making progress. Every step forward is a success, and every attempt to communicate effectively is a learning opportunity.