Navigating the Path to Recognition: Addressing BPD in Loved Ones
Dealing with a loved one who is struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be emotionally challenging. Often, those who are close to someone with BPD watch their loved one suffer and may wonder if it's ever possible to help them see the nature of their condition. In this article, we'll explore strategies and considerations that can guide you in your efforts to provide support and understanding.
Why Does It Matter?
The fundamental question often arises: why does it matter if your loved one recognizes that they have BPD? Even if your loved one becomes aware of their condition, the chances of significant change can be small. The key question to ask is not whether they acknowledge the diagnosis but rather, why can't you accept that this person may be a 'bad' one who is unlikely to change? Such an acceptance can save both you and your loved one's life from continued turmoil and chaos.
The Role of Hope and Reality in Family Dynamics
For many parents of individuals with BPD, enduring hope that their child will change is deeply ingrained, even after repeated disappointments. While it is understandable to want to believe that miracles occur, it is important to recognize when to let go of impossible expectations. Parents must eventually force their child with BPD to live in the world they have created for themselves. Allowing your life to be destroyed by the actions and emotional turmoil of a BPD individual is not a sustainable path.
Strategies for Addressing BPD
Addressing BPD in a loved one can be particularly challenging. The individual has likely endured significant abuse and may feel frustrated, making them resistant to self-reflection. Here are some strategies to help them begin the process of recognition and change:
Positive Stance on Emotions
Emphasize the value of emotions, while also presenting the idea that they can be difficult to regulate. This can help them understand the complexity of their emotional experiences. For example, you might say, 'While emotions are incredibly valuable, it can be challenging to manage them at times, making life a bit too intense. Sometimes, when emotions get out of control, we can get swept away for better or worse, which might make us overly gullible or overly suspicious of others for our own good.'
Awareness of Splitting Tendencies
Help them recognize their tendency to split or dichotomize experiences. Present this concept in a non-threatening manner. You might say, 'You are a really warm-hearted person, and that is amazing. You’re like cement holding this family/group together, but have you noticed that when you’re really angry, you can sometimes get into full-blown wrecking ball mode? I’m not saying that is wrong as your feelings are valid, but is it aligned with your own best interests and what you normally stand for?'
Relatable Communication
Approach the subject from a relatable standpoint, rather than making pointed observations. For instance, you could say, 'Sometimes I feel like such a wild creature and really struggle to keep my cool and collected front. Does that ever happen to you, or do you just feel as though people are far too cool and collected for their own good? I keep going back and forth between both angles, I think. I guess it’s this world that is a bit wild, and we just get swept away in its currents.' This approach can help create a more comfortable and open dialogue.
Conclusion
While addressing BPD can be a challenging and complex endeavor, understanding and empathy are crucial. By adopting a non-judgmental and compassionate approach, you can help your loved one begin to recognize and work through the challenges associated with BPD. Remember, change is a personal journey, and the process can be gradual and often unpredictable. Your unwavering support and understanding can make a significant difference in their journey towards healing.