Navigating the Challenges of Raising a Narcissistic Adult Child

One of the most challenging aspects of parenthood is dealing with a child, especially a grown adult, who exhibits extremely narcissistic behaviors. This article aims to provide a comprehensive guide for parents navigating these complex and often emotionally taxing situations.

The Challenges of Narcissistic Behaviors in Adulthood

My first job out of nursing school involved working at a psychiatric hospital where I cared for individuals on the Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and intellectual disability (ID) floors. I was assigned to the adolescent wing, not the general adult floor, because, apparently, it was the most difficult to work on. This can be attributed to the unique challenges that come with caring for impulsive and emotionally trying individuals.

Contrary to what many believed, nursing on the ASD/ID floor was the most challenging, not because of the patients but due to the communication barriers, violent outbursts, and the time it took to administer medications. These factors contributed to burnout and the constant struggle to provide quality care under these challenging circumstances.

The Shift to General Adult Floor

After a few shifts, I was thankful when a position opened on the General Adult floor. However, the experience was far from what I had anticipated. The majority of patients on this floor were relatively silent and did not create the constant emotional turmoil that patients on the ASD/ID floor demanded. This made the experience unbearable.

As a result, I spent most of my days off taking shifts on the ASD/ID floor to alleviate the stress and engagement with these more complex patients. This personal experience illustrates that sometimes we need to reassess our preferences and acknowledge the value of the assistance we receive.

Parenting a Narcissistic Adult Child

Dealing with an adult child who is a narcissist is a difficult journey, but it is one that requires careful consideration and strategic decision-making. The first step is to understand that you do not owe your child continued support and involvement in their life.

One piece of advice I often hear is that 'sometimes you just don’t know how good you have it until it is too late.' This means cherishing the time you have with your child and not taking it for granted. It is crucial to set boundaries and avoid being sucked into their manipulative behaviors or emotional abuse.

Strategies for Dealing with a Narcissistic Adult Child

Nonetheless, it is important to let go of the desire to 'save' or 'bail out' your adult child when they face challenges. Instead, providing them an opportunity to experience the natural consequences of their actions can be a valuable learning tool.

There is an old saying that I have come to live by: 'You can do anything you want in this life except for one thing: you can never escape the consequences of your own actions.' This means that you cannot control the actions of your adult child, but you can control how you react to their behavior. By letting them face the consequences of their own actions, you may help them find their footing and possibly change their behavior.

Essential Considerations for Your Role as a Parent

Do not feel bad or guilty about wanting your emotionally abusive child to leave you alone. After all, regardless of their current behavior, you have already assumed accountability for your role in any hardships or difficulties they faced as a child. Ownership of your actions can be a significant step toward moving forward.

Ultimately, the goal is to protect your emotional well-being and not be a part of their game. Focus on your own needs and well-being, and let your adult child face the consequences of their own actions. This approach not only helps them grow but also helps you regain your peace of mind and emotional balance.

Key Takeaways:

Set clear boundaries and avoid becoming entangled in their manipulative behaviors. Provide them with the opportunity to face the natural consequences of their actions. Do not feel guilty about wanting distance and prioritizing your own well-being. Take responsibility for your actions and let go of the need to control their behavior.