Navigating Sexual Orientation with Non-Binary Partners: A Guide

Discovering one's sexual orientation can be an eye-opening journey, especially when you find that your partner's gender identity doesn't align with the typical labels. This is especially true in the case of a lesbian individual with a non-binary partner. In this article, we will explore the complexities and nuances of this relationship and provide clarity on how to understand and express these identities.

Understanding Gender and Sexual Orientation Choices

The terms for sexual orientation have yet to fully catch up with the evolving concept of multiple genders. Traditionally, being a 'lesbian' implies a romantic and sexual attraction towards women. However, as societies adopt the understanding of non-binary gender identities, these labels become more complicated.

Do Lesbian and Non-Binary Align?

Non-binary identities can be polysexual, pansexual, or asexuality, which means their preferences do not align with binary gender categories. For non-binary people who identify as femme or demigirls, they might align more closely with a traditional definition of 'lesbian,' but it is not universally applicable to all non-binary identities. Therefore, the term 'lesbian' may still be a valid description for someone who has a romantic or sexual preference for those who are emotionally and/or physically femme or identify as women, regardless of their gender identity.

Exploring Your Feelings and Labels

It's important to examine your attraction when considering your partner's gender identity. If you see them primarily as a female-bodied person, then you likely fall under the 'lesbian' label. However, if you see them as non-binary and not as a specific gender, then 'bisexual' might be a more fitting description. Consider the following questions:

How do you see your partner? As a female-bodied person or as non-binary? Can you feel attraction to a non-binary partner who is assigned male at birth (AMAB)?

These questions can help you pinpoint where your attraction lies and what label might be the most accurate for you.

Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity

Gender identity is a deeply personal and invisible aspect of an individual that exists within the brain. We cannot see it, so we often rely on external cues to understand it. Sexual orientation, on the other hand, is influenced by a combination of factors. Research suggests that a significant portion of sexual orientation is based on external factors, such as physical attraction and personal chemistry.

It's crucial to remember that older labels like 'lesbian' and 'gay' were created before the concept of a gender spectrum was widely accepted. As such, these terms do not fully encompass the diverse range of identities and preferences that exist today.

Selecting Appropriate Terms

Given the complexities of sexual and gender identities, here are some terms that might be more appropriate for your situation:

Lesbian: You can use this term if you have romantic and sexual preferences for women, including some non-binary individuals who present or identify as women. Bisexual: You might prefer this term if you find yourself drawn to both women (or femme-aligned people) and non-binary individuals who present or identify as male. Sapphic: This term is becoming more recognized and can be used by people who have romantic and sexual preferences for others who are femme-aligned. Queer: This is an umbrella term that encompasses a wide range of sexual and gender identities that do not fit into the traditional binary framework.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the labels you choose to identify with are personal and should reflect your unique experiences and preferences. While traditional labels like 'lesbian' can still be relevant, consider the nuances of your partner's identity. Don't feel pressured to choose only one label; you can use multiple labels that resonate with you.

Remember, the most important thing is to be true to yourself and communicate openly with your partner about your feelings and preferences. This can help strengthen your relationship by fostering mutual understanding and respect.