Navigating Communication with an Ex-Narcissist Co-Parent: A Guide to Mindful Engagement
When preparing to face an ex-narcissist who suggests we can talk after a long period of no contact, you should ask yourself if it hurts to choose to talk. This question can be a gauge for whether it is appropriate, as it may have been enough time that allows for a more mature and rational conversation. It's worth a try, because the worst that can happen is you return to the no-contact procedure.
Understanding Narcissism: From Diagnosis to Treatment
When dealing with understanding narcissism, it is important to recognize that there is no one ldquo;curerdquo; for it. This is not a physical disease or diagnosis but rather a mental condition. It is essential to be well-informed about narcissistic personality disorder by studying and learning from experts in the field.
There is no such thing as an ldquo;ex-narcissistrdquo; - just like you are not treating them as your patient, your goal is to approach specific, clearly defined needs and requirements they need to follow.
Key Phrases to Remember:
There is no ldquo;curerdquo; for narcissism. Approach with clear, defined goals and expectations. No such thing as an ldquo;ex-narcissistrdquo;.Tactics for Co-Parenting with a Narcissist: The BIFF Method
The BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) can be very effective in communication with an ex-narcissist co-parent. Here are some core principles:
1. Brief: Keep the conversation short and to the point. Avoid detailed discussions that can lead to tangents and lengthier back-and-forths.
2. Informative: Provide clear and concise information. Focus on facts and avoid giving unnecessary details or justifications.
3. Friendly: Maintain a polite and respectful tone, even when delivering firm messages.
4. Firm: Be clear and direct about your expectations and boundaries. Softness does not work with narcissists.
A common example of a BIFF message is: ldquo;Child has been invited to a birthday during your parenting time. The party is on [date] from time-time. Let me know if he can attend. Thanks!rdquo;
Strategies to Minimize Stress in Co-Parenting
Co-parenting with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting. Here are some strategies to help you stay balanced:
1. Solid IGNORE: Immediately turn to neutral behavior when faced with a narcissistrsquo;s attempts to provoke a response or engage in a power struggle. Maintain a calm and composed demeanor.
2. Use a Neutral Face: Express no emotion, whether positive or negative. This helps prevent the narcissist from pushing your buttons.
3. Stay Calm and Well Kept: Present yourself in a professional and composed manner, minimizing any reactions to the narcissistrsquo;s behavior.
4. Get to the Point: Minimize the amount of dialogue. Clearly state your needs and demands without unnecessary wording.
5. Answer Firmly: Always answer in the negative unless the discussion is strictly related to the well-being of your child.
6. Revisit Solid IGNORE: Firmly state that communication can only occur regarding your child or children's well-being. Anything else is not acceptable.
Remember, your primary goal in dealing with a narcissist is to minimize confrontation and maintain a level of control in the co-parenting relationship. Avoid engaging in power games or emotional battles.
Conclusion
The co-parenting journey can be challenging, especially when dealing with a former narcissistic partner. By using the BIFF method, being mindful of your emotional well-being, and setting clear boundaries, you can navigate this difficult situation more effectively. In the end, focus on your children's needs and prioritize their well-being above all else.