Do Foster Children Like Social Workers?

A foster child's relationship with a social worker can be complex and emotional, particularly for those transitioning from a difficult past. In my experience, foster children often have a complicated relationship with the social workers who play a crucial role in their lives.

Understanding the Dynamics of Trust

My youngest foster child, who I brought home at the age of 6, had serious trust issues with social workers. When a social worker would come to visit my cousin’s house, he would hide. Even at my own house, he would act spoiled. To provide him with a sense of safety, I had to physically check the social worker to reassure him. This example indicates that comfort and trust in social workers can be a significant challenge for foster children.

Mixed Feelings and Emotional Trauma

For many foster children, their feelings towards social workers can be a mix of love, gratitude, and even resentment. The relationship with a social worker can be influenced by the specific experiences they had with that individual during their time in foster care. I have seen this in my own experience with my two daughters.

Positive Relationships

One of the social workers, K, had a profound and long-lasting impact on my daughters. She was with them for a very long time, witnessing their journey through various placements and critical situations. She genuinely cared, and her loyalty and dedication are admirable. Sadly, her support sometimes was limited by legal and regulatory constraints, and there were moments when she could not prevent the girls from experiencing trauma. However, she was happy to see the girls find a permanent home before her retirement. Her work with my daughters began when my 10 and a half-year-old was an infant.

Neutral Relationships

Another social worker, N, was primarily a licensing worker who conducted home safety inspections. Her role in the girls' lives was characterized by a sense of routine and predictability, which often led to a mere blur of familiarity for the girls.

Negative Relationships

There was a social worker, E, whom I deeply resent and who has left a lasting mark on my girls. Even though they did not express similar feelings, the events with him have caused emotional distress and triggered flashbacks. He has been a constant reminder of trauma, and we all hope to avoid re-encounters.

Translating Trauma to Trust

The relationship between foster children and social workers often improves over time, especially as the children grow and their perspectives evolve. While the older of the three girls has managed to set aside her anger towards K, the trauma remains a significant trigger for her. This suggests that while foster children may better understand the necessity of social workers, a strong emotional bond may not always be achieved. Words like 'like' might be too strong in these circumstances, and a sense of 'acceptance' or 'tolerance' might be more appropriate.

Support and Empathy

For foster children, the role of social workers is not just about providing aid in a crisis but also about understanding the emotional and psychological aftermath of their experiences. It is essential for both social workers and caregivers to be empathetic and patient in addressing the complex emotions that arise from these relationships. By providing a safe and supportive environment, foster children can gradually build trust and see the value in the work of social workers.

Based on my experience, foster children's perception of social workers changes over time. While they may not necessarily like or dislike social workers, understanding and acceptance can often be achieved. Social workers play a crucial role in the lives of children who have faced trauma, and fostering this understanding is vital for their emotional well-being.

Keywords: foster children, children's trust, social workers, trauma, empathy