Breaking Free from the Scapegoat Trap: A Journey towards Self-Emancipation
For months, I have been associating with my newfound freedom and independence, an alternative to the constant cycles of argument and defense. My experience of ceasing to be a scapegoat of my narcissistic parent has led to a more peaceful existence. Whenever faced with the urge to react or defend, I now simply respond with "So F What" and walk away, literally and metaphorically.
Understanding the Dynamics of Narcissistic Parents and Scapegoats
Narcissistic parents excel at creating drama, often for their own amusement. This is akin to watching a particularly riveting movie. They pull no punches when it comes to using their children as pawns in their psychological games. In my early years, my mother used me and my sister as scapegoats against my father. This sibling rivalry was, at the time, a deeply felt and destructive force. However, as I grew older, the significance of this rivalry diminished.
While my sister formed a strong connection with my father through their shared love of sports, my mother’s tactics persisted. She would craft situations to put my sister and father at odds, and somersaulting between arguments became her routine. Even when my sister attended a private high school away from home, my mother continued to find ways to involve me and my father in heated disputes. These manipulations targeted not just me but anyone in her vicinity.
When I recently visited the states to see other family members, similar dynamics played out. Despite my father residing in a different state and my sister living near my mother, my mother’s schemes remained intact. She sought to wedge a resentment between me and her favorite relative yet again. These tactics manifest as energy-draining tactics, evident in my constant WhatsApp communications with her.
Narcissistic parents are experts at finding ways to sow discord. Whether it's between siblings or close relatives, they find it both enjoyable and satisfying to create chaos. My experience has allowed me to see through their tactics. It’s important not to let their manipulative games fool you, even in the face of seemingly harmless interactions.
Moving On: A New Beginning
Interestingly, my sister, who was once a target, has now become a favorite. My mother's needs have shifted, and she is now seeking to control my sister's fiancé. This transformation has led to a new narrative, with my sister cast as the fairy tale 'Cinderella.' However, the emotional manipulation continues, even if the targets and dynamics have changed.
My latest interaction with my mother has reaffirmed my decision to never return to the states. The visit not only underscored my mother's ongoing manipulations but also the importance of asserting boundaries. The lack of interest from my grandparents in a funeral has given me another reason to cut ties, ensuring that my mother cannot use such events as a tool to manipulate me. I hope that once my grandparents are both gone, their final wishes will be respected, allowing for peace of mind.
My journey towards self-emancipation has been a long and arduous one, but it is yielding positive outcomes. Emotional distance, combined with a firm resolve to maintain it, has become my primary defense against the manipulations of narcissistic parents. The understanding that these dynamics won't define me anymore is my beacon of hope for the future.