Adoption and Reunion: Do Adult Adoptees Seek Their Biological Families and How Many Make Contact?
Adoption is a complex decision that often brings with it a sense of longing and a desire to connect with one's biological roots. Many adoptees find themselves beginning this search as adults, driven by an innate curiosity or deep-seated desire to know their origins. But not all adoptees choose to seek out their biological families, and the outcomes of such reunions can vary widely.
Do Adult Adoptees Search for Their Biological Parents?
Research and personal accounts suggest that many adult adoptees do indeed search for their biological families. According to various studies, a significant number of adoptees explore this path once they come of age. For example, nearly one-quarter (25%) of those who adopt specifically as adults make some form of contact with their birth parents before their 18th birthday. This newfound curiosity and desire for connection can manifest in different ways, whether it's through letters, phone calls, or in-person meetings.
However, not all adoptees choose to pursue this path. Some may find the process too emotional or complicated, preferring to keep the past as it is. Others may face obstacles such as closed adoption records or a lack of information about their biological families.
Who Makes Contact?
Among those who do make contact, the outcomes can vary. For some, the reunion can be a revelation, while for others, it can be disappointing or even painful. The experience of reunion is deeply personal and can be influenced by various factors, such as the relationship dynamics between the adoptee and the birth parent, as well as the circumstances surrounding the initial adoption.
A Personal Story
One adoptee, who wished to remain anonymous, shared his experience. He grew up with a deep-seated longing for his first parents and was highly displeased with the relationship with his adoptive parents. Unfortunately, his adoptive father was a pedophile and passed away when he was just ten years old. Despite the initial negative experiences, the adoptee decided to seek his birth parents.
In an effort to find his biological parents, the adoptee called 411 in the area where they were believed to have lived. Through a series of conversations, he was eventually connected with his paternal uncle, who provided him with the names and contact information of his birth parents. After some hesitation, the adoptee contacted his first mother, who was initially surprised but ultimately happy to reconnect.
Further steps were taken as the adoptee called his first father, who admitted to looking for him when he turned 18. He expressed joy at finding his adoptee and felt that he was the missing piece in his family that now reunited them. With the blessing of his adoptive father, the adoptee changed his surname and learned that he had two older brothers and four younger half-siblings. Despite challenges, the reunion has been largely positive.
Other Stories
Another example is Pearl, who is the adoptive daughter of someone who has a biological father. Pearl, like many adoptees, showed no desire to meet her biological father and was glad that her adoptive father did not force the issue or that the biological father was unaware of her existence. Tragically, the biological father passed away in prison, and he was described as a "sick, vile man" who should not have had the opportunity to have a child. Pearl's experience highlights the importance of making adoptees feel safe and secure in their environment.
Conclusion
While the decision to search for one's biological family is deeply personal and can involve numerous emotional and legal complexities, many adult adoptees do choose to embark on this journey. The outcomes of these reunions, as seen in both the adoptee and Pearl's stories, can be diverse, ranging from a sense of closure and connection to disappointment or pain. Whether an adoptee decides to seek their biological family is a complex decision, influenced by a myriad of factors, and each experience is unique.